Signs It’s Time for Memory Care

People who have dementia eventually struggle with activities of daily living (ADLs) — such as dressing, bathing, eating, and toileting.^[01] To gauge your loved one’s abilities, pay attention to whether they:

• Forget to eat or drink
• Dress inappropriately for the weather or occasion
• Don’t bathe or shower regularly
• Can’t control their bladder or bowels, or have trouble cleaning themselves after they go to the bathroom

For many people who have dementia, cognitive changes lead to changes in behavior, mood, and personality.^[02] They may become:

• Verbally or physically aggressive toward you and other family caregivers
• Confused, forgetful, and disoriented
• Unable to express themselves
• Uninterested or unwilling to participate in social activities
• More tired because they have trouble sleeping
• Less confident and more nervous or anxious

“Often, patients will get agitated or defensive in the office when we start to have the conversation about dementia — that’s a sign in itself,” says Dr. Philip Branshaw, an internal medicine specialist in Batavia, Illinois.

Is memory care the right fit?

While wandering and forgetfulness are normal parts of dementia, seniors whose dementia has advanced may:

• Unknowingly wander far from home
• Wander into dangerous situations, such as busy roads or severe weather
• Leave burners or appliances on after cooking
• Misuse or improperly store household chemicals

Read more:Agitation and Dementia: Prevention, Symptoms, and Treatment

Someone who has dementia and who previously had healthy habits and routines may:^[03]

• Forget to eat or overeat
• Eat less healthy foods
• Forget to take their medications, or take too much
• Become more sedentary

Cognitive changes caused by dementia can cause someone to:^[04]

• Fall more often
• Have bruises or injuries they don’t remember or can’t explain
• Need emergency care services more frequently

Cindy, who sought A Place for Mom’s help when she needed to find senior living for her parents, noticed that her father’s cognitive decline was progressing when he was hospitalized after a series of falls.

“He fell twice in one day, and the falls were beginning to be more frequent,” she says. “Forming words had become more difficult, and his incontinence had progressed. I’d bring his clean laundry back to him and he’d ask me if he’d had an accident — he didn’t remember having one,” she says.

Someone who has dementia and who previously cared for pets or took pride in their home may:

• Stop looking after pets, or noticing when they need food, water, or medical attention
• Neglect household tasks, such as cooking, laundry, and cleaning
• Have spoiled or outdated food in their fridge or pantry

Many family caregivers recognize that they simply can’t provide the care their loved one needs on their own.

“As I saw that my Dad’s mental processing was becoming more of a challenge, I knew I wouldn’t be able to care for him myself,” Cindy says.

Also, if you notice that your attitude toward caregiving is becoming more negative, it may be time to seek help to avoid or recover from caregiver burnout, which is a state of exhaustion caused by the stress of caregiving.^[05] Symptoms of burnout include:

• Headaches
• Poor sleep
• Anxiety
• Forgetfulness
• Withdrawal from loved ones and social activities
• Feeling resentful toward your loved one

Your loved one’s doctor may notice changes that signal progressive Alzheimer’s disease or other forms of dementia. They may perform a brief mental status exam to help your family decide next steps.^[06]

“In the office, we can perform a very easy, reproducible test that only takes a couple of minutes,” Branshaw says. This test measures a senior’s concentration, short-term recall, and spatial awareness.

Another common test is to ask someone to draw a clock, according to Branshaw.

“Many people with dementia will draw all of the numbers up in one corner, rather than around the circle,” Branshaw says.

Memory care questions? Get expert help

There’s not a one-size-fits-all approach to deciding when it’s time for memory care because dementia looks different for everyone, and because every caregiving situation is different. That said, there are some common signs that memory care may be the most appropriate next step for someone who has dementia and for their caregivers.

Is it illegal to leave someone who has dementia alone?

While it’s not illegal to leave people who have dementia alone, it may be considered neglect to leave someone alone who isn’t able to care for themselves. And neglect is often considered a form of elder abuse.^[07] If your family chooses care at home, ask your loved one’s doctor if they’re able to be left alone.

If you’ve decided your loved one needs memory care, the next step is to decide:

• What kind of memory care they need,
• How often they need it, and
• When they need it.

In-home memory care

Personalized and professional memory care services can be delivered in a variety of settings, including someone’s private home. In-home care for dementia enables many seniors to age in place for as long as possible. To support family caregivers, respite memory care is another option.

Residential memory care communities

If your loved one’s home environment isn’t safe, or if in-home care or respite care isn’t feasible, a memory care community may be the best option. Communities vary in price, services, and amenities, but they all typically have built-in safety features, dementia care-trained staff, and memory-enhancing activities.

“A Place for Mom had helped me find the first place my parents lived in when my Mom was still alive. When she passed away, I needed to find a new place for my Dad,” Cindy says. “I can’t say enough good things about the memory care facility that A Place for Mom helped me find,” she says.

“We found a place that treats and cares for my Dad the way I would. They meet him where he is: If he’s having trouble remembering or articulating something, they help him by asking questions without antagonizing him,” she says.

Emergency memory care and crisis placement

For people who have dementia and are in a crisis, an inpatient geriatric psychiatry unit or a designated dementia unit within a hospital or long-term care facility can be immediately helpful.^[08,09] These facilities provide medication management, therapies, and other treatment options. Additionally, they can help you develop a plan for returning your loved one home or to a memory care facility.

Dementia hotlines, typically staffed with dementia care professionals or trained social workers, are a helpful source of information. Whether your family decides in-home care or a memory care community is the best way forward, A Place for Mom’s Senior Living Advisors can provide a tailored list of care options in your area. They can even help plan the logistics of a move — all at no cost to your family.

“My Dad is happy where he is. He’s always been a very social person, and that hasn’t changed with his dementia,” Cindy says. “He’s rarely in his room — he’s usually out and about, involved in the community.

“Dad’s career was in counseling, and he still has a counselor’s awareness. He recognized right away that the memory care community where he lives tailors their support to each individual’s needs,” Cindy says.

“I’d recommend anyone who needs help finding senior care find a resource like A Place for Mom,” Cindy says. “There was so much I’d never thought of, but they know how all this works, what to ask about, and who to talk to.”